Category: Hayden Childs

One quick mention. My friend and former bandmate Scott and his wife Dawn had a beautiful little girl last week. I have been to visit and held the little girl, who is smaller than Li’l Sphere ever was and cute as the cutest button ever created. Huge congratulations, kids!

Li’l Sphere, born February 9, 2005 at approximately 7 pm.

My son weighed 8 lbs even and measured 21 inches. His mom thought she was having Braxton-Hicks contractions when I picked her up at work at 3 pm. We got to the birthing center at 5:30 pm and our boy was born at about 7 pm (I’m still not sure about the time). He had his umbilical cord wrapped twice around his neck, and his mom was going through labor incredibly fast, so she had to push him out as fast as possible. It took her all of four (maybe five) excruciatingly hard pushes. That was the most amazing thing I’d ever seen, and it all seemed like a dream for hours afterwards. We went home at 2 am.

Not too much else to note. Busy with the baby. Had a jaundice scare earlier in the week, but it looks like he’s fine now.

I did have time to catch The Saddest Music in the World on DVD, which is highly recommended. No new reading in the last week, though.

Books read recently: none.
DVDs viewed recently: The Battle of Algiers (which should be mandatory viewing for high school students in these United States), The Wild Bunch,* Princess Mononoke, a few episodes from Buffy Season Two, the first half of Fishing With John.
TV shows caught recently: Veronica Mars, which may not be up to the standards of The Wire, but remains the best thing on network tv since they cancelled Buffy and Angel. The acting and writing have been excellent overall, and the pacing is typically brilliant. That said, casting Allyson Hannigan as a self-obsessed celebrity-whore sub-Baywatch child-of-famous-actors was incredibly poor casting (unlike the casting of Paris Hilton as a vacuous rich-bitch ninny in an early episode this season, a role in which Hilton shockingly excelled). Hannigan came across as Stoned Willow, and her character will sadly return.

* Although I’m not sure if Li’l Sphere loved the shootout at Agua Verde; he seemed a bit fussy about Pike’s death. I explained that the entire scene was both a redemption and the best possible closure for that character, considering that his pipe dreams of settling down were all but impossible for a man like him, but I think Li’l Sphere found certain aspects of the violence more exciting than appalling, which disturbed him. I suggested that it was meant to be both. Li’l Sphere spit up on me in reply. Touché, young man.

Since my last post, I’ve finished Fishing With John, the best fishing show ever, and watched the entire Wonderfalls series and the first disc of Firefly.

Fishing With John grew out of John Lurie’s home tapes of fishing trips. The premise is simple: Lurie goes fishing with some celebrity in some semi-exotic location. Although it’s somewhat of a documentary style, the show takes obvious and usually fun liberties with the truth, and, best of all, Lurie & his guest rarely actually catch fish. It’s worth it to see (1) Jim Jarmusch, decked out in Manhattan nightlight black, trying to land a shark off of Long Island, (2) Tom Waits completely lose his cool persona to seasickness on a rusty tugboat in Jamaica (according to the commentary, Waits didn’t speak with Lurie for two years afterwards), (3) Matt Dillon — well, that one’s pretty but not much happens, apparently because Dillon didn’t want to lose his persona on camera, (4) Willem Defoe trying to convince Lurie to zip their sleeping bags together while ice-fishing in Maine, and (5) Dennis Hopper being Dennis Hopper in Thailand.

Wonderfalls: I watched three of the episodes when they aired on TV (it was cancelled after the fourth) and found the show kinda flat at the time. This DVD collects all of the episodes filmed, most of which were never aired. At least one review said that even if it had been allowed to finish its season, the show would never have caught on, anyway. That might be true, but it also might not. The show grew intensely upon me during the course of these DVDs, starting right about at the fourth episode and going straight through to the end. Let me start with the look of the show: it’s easily the most beautifully shot TV show I’ve ever seen, with bright, saturated colors, sharp lines, and fantastic angles. The writing: although there’s mack truck-sized plot holes in the first few episodes (and a few dangling in later episodes), the writers gave the characters intense life and honest relationships. It’s also funny and curious enough to be worth a watch. At the end of these 13 episodes, I have no idea where the writers could take the story further, but, that said, Tim Minear and Ben Edlund (both of Angel, the former of Firefly, and the latter of The Tick) are very good at pulling rabbits out of hats, tv-series-wise, and I’m sure they and the other writers & producers could have managed to astound us if given half a chance. Unfortunately, Fox only gave them 4/13th of one.

Firefly (similarly cancelled before its time) also watches better in order (Fox showed them out of order for some reason) thus far. Sure, it has plot holes, too, but it also has a keen imagination and wit that should have been given a chance to flourish. Whither the network equivalent of HBO?

Following up on my post from before my kid’s birth on natural childbirth, I want to talk a wee bit about our experience with the Austin Area Birthing Center (henceforth known as AABC).

The AABC solicited a birth story from us for their website and birth book (which sits out in the lobby for mothers-to-be to read). However, they felt that the story, which will follow this brief diatribe, was too negative and refuse to print the story without editing it. We won’t allow that. As you’ll see in the story, our experience was mostly positive, but there were some dangerous moments, and we believe that those moments, as terrifying as they are now for me to remember, should remain. If we had been in a hospital, I’m positive that they would have insisted on an emergency Caesarian for the simple reason that a C-section has known, somewhat controllable risks. At AABC, C-section was not an option, and we’re happy that we had the natural, drug-free childbirth we wanted and that everything worked out well, with no small thanks to the AABC staff. I think that the risks associated with our natural childbirth and the risks if we had been pushed into a C-section (especially considering the point at which the staff identified the problem) would have been roughly the same for our son: potential brain damage, potential death (just writing this takes my breath away). With a C-section, my wife would have had to undergo major abdominal surgery as well.

However, as in the birth story, the AABC staff handled the situation admirably, and we have a healthy and flat-out stunning little boy. My wife has healed over time at a quicker rate than she would have if recovering from a C-section. We couldn’t have asked for a sweeter experience.

But apparently the threat to our child is not something AABC wants to share with people. Perhaps this makes sense from a business standpoint, but not from the standpoint of being upfront and truthful with mothers-to-be. They should know that there are risks associated with natural childbirth, just as there are risks associated with medicated and/or Caesarian childbirth.

I have two other quibbles with AABC: first, they screwed up their estimate for the cost of the birth by not including our deductible and failing to submit two expensive lab tests to our insurance provider. This isn’t that big of a deal (I mean, yes, it’s a big deal in terms of how it’s affected our budget, but they’re just human, after all), but it is frustrating that they are unwilling to figure out how they messed up and apparently haven’t put much work into the intricacies of dealing with our insurance company (BCBS of TX, by the way, not just a fly-by-night) so that there would be no problem here on the back end. I mean, their explanation is that the insurance company has hidden allowable costs. Well, actually, providers can learn about the allowable costs by calling in advance and that’s not the problem here. Second quibble: AABC needs to learn how to recommend working with pre- and postpartum doulas, rather than discouraging it, as they did with us. We would have greatly benefited from bringing in a postpartum doula immediately, rather than 3-4 weeks later. AABC provides a postpartum nurse, but, bless her heart, she ran through the information about how to take care of our new critter quickly, and it’s safe to say that we were a bit dazed anyway. An on-hand lactation consultant would be a smart move for AABC, too.

But those are relatively minor quibbles. We are happy with our choice to go with them for Li’l Sphere’s birth, and very sorry to learn that they choose to view our birth experience in our own words as undeserving to be associated with them. With no further ado, here is that birth story, as written by the lovely, amazing, and brilliant Mrs. Obscurity. Besides us, the remaining cast is Jean, the owner of AABC, Kristen and Michele, our wonderful birth team, Rosewitha, our postpartum nurse, and Joan, another very helpful nurse midwife at AABC.

The Story of Li’l Sphere’s Precipitous Birth
By his mother

Not long before I delivered, I read Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin, who has been a nurse midwife for 30 years. It inspired me to see natural childbirth as doable, that despite differing circumstances and experiences women can and do deliver healthy children naturally in an environment that is empowering to both the woman and her family. It was just the thing I needed to get “pumped upâ€Â for the birth. In the spirit of that book I am going to tell you all of the details of the birth so that you will see that you too can do it, and if you have given birth yourself, that others have shared in some of your experiences.

On the day of his birth, I was taking a class at work. During a bathroom break at about 9:45am, I noticed that my mucous plug came out, but I continued taking the class, despite having very mild contractions. I called my husband around noon to update him and told him that I’d let him know when the contractions got closer together. I finally had him come to get me at 3:00. We went home, took a walk around the neighborhood, and then decided it was time to go to the birthing center. We got to the birthing center at 5:30. Michele Fitzgerald, a midwife, and Kristin Elliott, a doula and midwife trainee, told me that I was 3 cm dilated (for you uninitiated, your cervix opens gradually and you are able to push the baby out when you are 10 cm dilated), but Michele pushed on the cervix a bit and it went to 4 cm, meaning that the baby was definitely on his way.

Although Jean was originally supposed to work that evening, she was just leaving after a birth that morning when we arrived. The staff decided that Kristin could monitor me while Michele got dinner, and Michele could attend my labor when she returned. They ran a bath for me to labor in, but it was not for me. I could not get comfortable. I preferred being able to walk and to hang onto something during the contractions, which, by the way, really didn’t hurt. They were all-consuming feelings, and I had to pay attention to them, but they weren’t painful. It is hard to explain, but the pain was minor.

At one point, I felt nauseous and told Kristin that I was going to throw up, which I promptly did. I remember thinking, “oh well, there goes those yummy chile rellenos I had for lunch!â€Â (Yes, that is gross, sorry!) My water broke as I was throwing up.

Things took a turn afterwards. Kristin asked me to lie down on my left side because “the baby would like it better.â€Â I really appreciate how Kristin handled that because I knew enough to know that the baby’s heart rate must have gone down if she was asking me to lay on my left side. She gave me oxygen and I thought, “oh crap, this isn’t good,â€Â but Kristin was calm, saying, “this will give the baby a boost.â€Â I am grateful for Kristin’s calm demeanor. The contractions were really uncomfortable on the bed because I could not move much and perhaps because my water had broken.

About that time Michele came in and checked my cervix. I was at 9 cm dilated, but because the baby’s heart rate was dropping so low (I think I remember hearing that it went to ½ what it should be) she pushed the cervix out to 10 cm and told me that it was time to “get that baby out.â€Â I pushed a couple of times, during which I guess the baby’s heart rate went even lower because she pulled me around and gave me an episiotomy (which is a cut to enlarge the vaginal opening). She apologized but I could tell that her concern was to get the baby delivered sooner than later so that she could be sure it was healthy and OK.

I was in a “whatever it takesâ€Â mode as well because I could tell from her intensity that she was concerned/scared. I was too, but didn’t have time to focus on that emotion.

I think I tried to push again on the bed, but that was not working. Michele got me to squat wide, put breast pumps on my breasts to increase the contractions, and told my husband to simulate the breast pumps with his mouth (heh). I pushed really hard probably three times and she told me not to “tea pot itâ€Â because I was letting my air out as I pushed. Then she said “this is it. Get that baby out now. Hold your breath and push.â€Â I heard her tell Kristin to get some “pitâ€Â shots ready, which I knew was pitocin, a drug that increases contractions and is reportedly very unpleasant. So, darn it, I was going to get that baby out. I hugged Michele as I squatted wide and I heard her say, “this is it! I can see brown hair!â€Â and she and Kristin said “push past the hurt!â€Â I could hear my husband holding his breath as I held mine. All of a sudden I felt the baby come out and my husband pulled me back onto the bed as Michele had instructed him to. He was on his back, and I was on my back on his stomach. Then all of a sudden I had a really warm blob on my lower abdomen. My eyes were still closed from pushing so hard. I remember saying, “help me I’m going to drop it.â€Â Then I could hear Michele say, “look what you haveâ€Â as she held the baby up closer to my face. I opened my crusty eyes and said “it’s a baby!â€Â then she kind of pointed to his genitals and I said “it’s a boy!â€Â (OK folks, birthing is tiring!) I had Li’l Sphere at 7 PM.

Michele and Kristin were so sweet and got my husband and me focused on the baby as the placenta was delivered and as she sewed me up. They were so positive and congratulatory and told me what a good job I did.

After they left and the postpartum nurse, Rosewitha, came and helped me to the bathroom I noticed that I pushed so hard I had broken blood vessels on my face, chest, and back, which looked like a rash and didn’t hurt at all. It was still surprising to see though, and totally unexpected. Rosewitha even pointed out that I had broken a blood vessel in the corner of my eye. I really did push hard!!!

The birthing center has a nice postpartum atmosphere. There were candles lit in the fireplace and the surroundings were soothing. As we were laying in the bed together as a new family my husband remembered to put on an Etta James song that I had been fixating on for the past few weeks, and only discovered the name of it the night before. Luckily he had burned it on the “birthing CDâ€Â just that day. I hugged my baby and listened to the lyrics and just cried. It is a beautiful song, and I could certainly feel the “at lastâ€Â part. Intense labor and postpartum are certainly dreamlike and surreal in many ways, and the song captured that perfectly.

“At Lastâ€Â by Etta James.

At last
My love has come along
My lonely days over
And life is like a song

Ooh, at last
The skies above are blue
Well my heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you

I found a dream
That I could speak to
A dream that I could call my own
I found a thrill
To press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known

Well

You smile
you smile
Oh and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine at last

I am full of gratitude that Michele was concerned enough about Li’l Sphere to help me to get him out quickly. She was thoroughly professional the whole way, and empathetic enough not to let a stressful birth be stressful afterwards. It turns out that his cord was wrapped around his neck twice, and because he descended so quickly it was squeezing him. Luckily, his Apgar scores were 8 at one minute and 9 at five minutes. (Apgar scores quickly evaluate a newborn’s physical condition after delivery and to determine any immediate need for extra medical or emergency care. Scores of 8 and 9 are good.) I pushed him out so fast that he had a colorless bruise on his head from my pubic bone.

I want to leave you mothers-to-be with a few words of advice. I was sorer than I thought I’d be. Eleven days after the birth I finally was feeling back to normal, so expect that as a possibility. I would advise having a lactation consultant come to your home within 2-3 days after birth. It will help a lot! Also, I can tell you that a postpartum doula would have made our early days with our son more joyful and less stressful, even though my mother was here to help.

The birthing center staff was excellent after we went home too. We called a few times and talked with Kristen, Michele, and Joan, who was very helpful with advice and perspective from her own births and children. All were generous with assistance and advice, something I had not expected postpartum, but I very much appreciate.

Thanks, Austin Area Birthing Center! We are glad we chose your facility and staff to help bring our son into the world.

I’ve been amused this week by a conservabot’s comments on The House Next Door about his perceptions on The Wire’s political leanings. David Simon himself steps in:

Did someone actually describe me as a “self-confessed” liberal? Self-confessed?

Since when did liberalism become something that requires confession? After the last six disastrous years, I would think that to have your political allegiances on the other end of the spectrum might be cause for some angst, shame and reflection. But even harboring such sentiment, I would not be so insulting as to call anyone a self-confessed conservative.

I won’t go into a long political diatribe about the content olf that particular email, its willful ignorance of the profound economic, social and political limitations at work in the West Baltimores of the world, places crippled by decades of deindustrialization, profound social deprivation, political marginalization at the hands of gerrymandering, racialist political parties, a prohibition-induced drug economy that has become the only meaningful economic engine and naturalized unemployment rates at over 50 percent for adult black males — including those who do buy into the system and make “choices” of a kind that would not not bring the judgment of trickle-down, up-from-the-bootstraps, i-know-the-game-isn’t-rigged-because-I-did-so-well-coming-from-the-suburb-I-came-from-motherfuckers down on their already burdened selves. I am sure there are plenty of people who want to debate whether all the characters in The Wire made all of the right personal choices, will find that they did not — Randy for example should have never taken that five-spot to deliver a message to Lex; damn his fourteen-year-old ass to hell — and will find a new way to calculate the degree of personal blame without regard to the two vastly different Americas that we have built for generations now. And I’m sure others will excuse all personal foible by citing political, social and economic conditions — something that The Wire has also resisted doing with its characters. The two sides can have at each other and argue to their hearts’ content. I am indifferent to the nature-versus-nurture pissing match. It doesn’t matter to people on the ground, anymore. It doesn’t matter to a boy in West Baltimore looking to a future that isn’t there. It is the stuff of lame ideologues, each trying to shape facts to fit story. Have at it.

But the next time anyone suggests that I have “confessed” to my political beliefs, they have an invitation to kiss my ass. I am on some issues conservative, on others middling, and on many matters way left of liberal. In Europe, I might be called a social democrat, maybe a green, or, depending on the country, a labourite.

In these United States, I am someone who has spent enough careful time in the other, marginalized America to be wholly contemptuous of anyone who equates raw, unencumbered capitalism — absent any other social or political framework — as even a poor excuse for how to run a country and take care of its people.

Self-confessed. Like I’m guilty of anything other than speaking my mind. Fuck you, asshole.

David Simon
Baltimore, Md.

It’s amazing to me how easy it is to be an expert. With that in mind, I offer my expert summation on the Richard Thompson box set:

Scroll down the page a bit.

No new pictures of Li’l Sphere, alas. Perhaps when he’s in a less fussy mood.

On the Act of Bullshitting.

Too busy to write any thinkin’-type words, but here’s some pictures…

Apparently some sickos out there are finding my website by googling the words “child nudist” based on a lousy joke about Jandek and a photo of my son that used to live here. This message is to those people: either get therapy now or go blow your goddamn brains out, you fucks. If you choose the latter option, be sure give everything you own to the International Society for Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect here: https://www.ispcan.org/. You owe this to humanity if you aren’t trying to get better, shitbird.