Another music writer recently expressed a fear that he might be becoming “that guy that we used to hate.â€Â Specifically, it’s the music writer that can only pull passion, or maybe just general interest, out of old music. We used to make fun of “that guy.â€Â We convinced ourselves that no matter what the future year might be, it would yield amazing new sounds for us to go nutz over.

“l’ll never end up like that. What an old, jaded asshole.â€Â

Well, guess what happened?

BUT THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING TO THIS PHONED-IN POST!!!!

These albums came out this year. They did it for me. AND….I’m leaving some out (not intentionally). AND….we’ve got 3.5 months to go.

Thurston Moore Trees Outside the Academy (Ecstatic Peace) – I can’t review this because I’ve already done so for Vice and The Onion (look for it next week). Great album.

Shocking Pinks s/t (DFA) – Review forthcoming in October issue of Spin. That and, I don’t feel like it.

Liars s/t (Mute) – It’s no “lieâ€Â that this is a fine album!!

Pelican City of Echoes (Hydrahead) – Breaks absolutely no new ground, but the damn thing is catchy!! Well, catchy for something that gives off very little emotion.

Jesu Conqueror (Hydrahead) – J.K.B lookin’ healthy for his age!! Granted, he did form Napalm Death at age 4.

Pinback I’m a Humorless Dick (Touch and Go) – First three songs? Unbelievably catchy. I’d like to attribute them to the guy from Three Mile Pilot.

Shellac (the new one) (Touch and Go) – Dunno the title. You know the Earles drill re: looking things up! SOMETIMES I DON’T FEEL IT!!! I’ve only heard a collective four minutes of this album. Clearly I’m qualified!! I felt some rocking within the rigid confines of a Shellac record, where you get what’s expected. It shines with amazing cover art and packaging that exceeds the combined cost of every rainbow bumper-stickered Ford Ranger in the parking lot of a Lisa Lampanelli show. HeyOhhhh!!!!

RELAPSE TRIPLE-SHOT COMBO #5: Brand new albums by Coliseum, Baroness, and High on Fire – Coliseum could probably kick my ass. In the street…not with their music. I like the idea of Baroness. I like that Savannah, GA is on the map. Oh, if I just felt the same about this guy’s vocals….. High on Fire? The only band with a name this bad that I’ve listened to repeatedly…..

 

 

 

Ponys

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t remember my first mentioned ABC Family’s Slacker Cats. I could go back through my blog and read the exact post. Because I control the weather here at failedpilot.com, the decision has against any research (at all). I do remember the tone. I didn’t find it especially funny. I found it weird and crude for an ABC Family program with Walmart spots. My first impression of the jokes? Early South Park (pre-good); maybe Family Guy’s pop-culture-references-as-a-crutch. Good news! Slacker Cats has changed for the better, or I’ve lost more of my mind. Your choice. I must reiterate: Cats are the thinking-person’s pet. Please allow five minutes for my trademark critical train wreck:

“Buckleyâ€Â (voiced by Harland Williams) – The overweight cat. The cat with a heart. Gets along with owner (a single white female). One of two main characters. The flawed hero. Wears a fanny-pack that became a bad punch line. Sleeps under a specially-made “Best Cat in the Worldâ€Â blanket. The still-unfortunate slang “Slackerâ€Â does not apply to Buckley.

“Eddieâ€Â (voiced by the Ebony/Redbook-approved Sinbad) – The bad cat responsible for the schemes that make up each plot, as well as most of the “adultâ€Â humor.

“Dooperâ€Â (voiced by Emo Phillips) – Homeless, possibly drug-addicted cat. Lives in a fridge box. Other than my affection for all things CAT, the V.O. is the only reason this post is being written. That and the fact that I’m obviously out of material (saving the good stuff for an upcoming live performance – I spread it thin). Ten years ago, I made a career-killing joke about Emo Phillips. My career…his died in some other fashion.

“Tabithaâ€Â (voiced by one of the Desperate Housewives) – Not a Tabby. Fills the batty, air-headed, “all women are crazyâ€Â stereotype. Most of the show’s pranks end with her as the butt.

“Mrs. Bootsâ€Â (voiced by the hilarious Niecy Nash, a performer rocking the previously unknown void created by the need for a poor-man’s Wanda Sykes) – Fills the all-hefty-Black-ladies-are-sassy-and-act-like-underpaid-student-loan-customer-service-employees stereotype.

Why am I doing this? Why was it allowed to go this far? Did I just write all of this? Lisa Lampanelli is enjoying her first appearance on my TV (I’ve yet to endure the female Don Rickles, the white Carlos Mencia), I have a couple of deadlines burning a hole through my brain, and I’m absolutely beat ragged…..

 

 

Thank me now, or thank me later, but I live in these zones:

Olive-Free Zone

Tomato-Free Zone

Dog-Free Zone (this one has wiggle room, but do not bring a dog into my house)

Mr. Bungle-Free Zone

Yoko Ono-Free Zone

Mushroom-Free Zone (come on, people, the kind on the menu)

Squash-Free Zone

Kevin Smith-Free Zone

William S. Burroughs-Free Zone

 

 

 

 

….last night’s post was by far the dumbest item ever posted on this site. I have deleted it. Apologies to those that spent 56 seconds of their day reading it. Some of that leftover late-90’s, ill-conceived vitriol surfacing. Anyone that’s read anything I wrote in the late-90’s (there was only one forum), might recognize it as crap sitting around on the floor. I perpetually have trouble sleeping, and infrequently take Xanax before bed, a drug that last night had a strange reverse, idiotic impact on my brain.

….write songs about coffee? Ok, I have no reason for that comment, other than memories of a Crimpshrine 7″ that I always flipped over on the way to sounds so much better, like a Steel Pole Bathtub 7″ or something of the like. That Crimpshrine 7″ wasn’t even on Lookout! Or maybe it was. Yeah, it was. Hey, I’m Aaron Cometbus. I convinced scores of Food-Not-Bombs volunteers that they too could be accomplished, stylistically unique, and beautifully personal writers. That last part is…..on fucking Jupiter. No, get it, see, he really did influence a lot of people that purposely smelled like boiled cabbage crammed into a Happy Meal box that has been festering for eight days in the back seat of a Ford Escort GT. This is leading up to something, just watch….I thought of the “Sleep, What’s That?â€Â 7″ as I was just watching Alien Nation, a film that will keep me awake for two hours when I should be asleep. This is serious shizmits here. James Caan in a creative phase apparently inspired by the I.R.S. Wow, why am I awake. Does this count as a true blog entry? What is that game that the aliens are playing at the beginning of Alien Nation? One of the more powerful metaphors for racism. What in the hell is the matter with me. Why did I just write this? Gotta post it now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

There was a sunnier day that I wrote about the automobile industry on this site. Why did I stop? No reason. Well, I don’t work in the automobile industry anymore. Yes, I did at one point….onstensibly. And yes, it would make a great book. I can run my mouth like a man that knows cars. I have no problem telling you, reader(s), that when I run my mouth like a man that knows cars, I am 98% full of shit. Nevertheless, if qualified, I would have enjoyed making this list (this is where the links work).

Courtesy of www.time.com, someone else gives you….

(the links do not work here)

The Worst Cars Ever Made

I’m not having “relationsâ€Â with fellow writer David Dunlap Jr., but here we go with more props. I suppose that Dave and I have been writing for The Memphis Flyer about the same amount of time (7 years), but he’s the one that wrote THIS. Perhaps the best piece of music writing I’ve read in the Flyer, but this style suits me. And I hope that some cargo shorts and birdy unicorn  abstract t-shirts get in a wad over it, though that may be wishful thinking. The good fight in music criticism continues (though we are losing, and by “weâ€Â I mean my little secret handshake club of writers that post comments on this site….ok, that’s ridiculous).

(this post will feature no formatting, as I am burdened with Safari at the moment…the Ford Escort of web browsers)

1. Lost (a TV show) – To clarify, Terry O’Quinn is the only reason that I’m watching this show. Believe that? I feel great about it.

2. Air America (syndicated radio) – Memphis lost Air America earlier this week. I’m going to miss the four-year-old, scratchy local spots for pathetic computer repair businesses. I’m also going to miss the fresh, pointed content. Already unfunny comics that just lost their minds once Bush was elected. Preaching to the converted. Fishing for issues, then flogging them useless. I will miss these things.

3. Steven Tyler on the Henry Rollins Show (IFC) – This hasn’t aired yet, but I’m going to go ahead and throw some proposed dialogue out there so you don’t have to watch it. “Man, back when we were all eating toothpaste on crackers at the SST offices, we used to jam “Rocks,â€Â I mean, we didn’t even listen to current punk rock, we were all into classic hard rock. You’re lookin’ pretty fit these days, Steven. You know what I like to tell the ladies? GET IN THE VAN!!!â€Â

4. MySpace – Over the course of a week, the number of my MySpace friends dropped by about 50 people. I cannot devote the research to finding out exactly who these people are/were. Did they die? Did I do something wrong?

5. Death Sentence/Shoot ‘Em Up/The Brave One (these are movies) – Haven’t seen them!! BUT…I plan on an entire day devoted to these three movies back-to-back. Color me surprised that there is a “think pieceâ€Â in the NYT about the “return of the revenge/vigilante movie.â€Â

6. The “Mumblecoreâ€Â Genre of Indie Film – A more detailed post is forthcoming. See previous post. The Indie Film has been dying a slow death for some time, and trends such as this one signal a true case of my favorite term (and title of a book I hope to write by the time I turn 80) Creative Bankruptcy. A note to Doug M.: Let’s discuss it ONLINE!!!! For everyone to see!!!

Here’s the Scharpling/Wurster feature that I wrote for Harp Magazine.

I’m watching the first season of Lost.

I’m on a Vietnam kick, both fiction and non-fiction.

Did you get enough from this post?

 

 

After a domain name debacle with dubious providers, I am back!!

So, am I the only person out there that finds the new Queens of the Stone Age album cover to be bizarre? Things would be different if the band was some mid-90’s Estrus/Sympathy for the Record Industry garage rock never-were’s, but this is a radio-rock, girls-gone-wild, superband. This art reminds me of something in my parent’s matchbook collection, a giant jar commemorating visits to weird little water holes during the 60’s and early-70’s. Maybe I’m losing my touch.

So beautifully half-assed for a mainstream band.