Category: Andrew Earles

Enjoyable. Fake Danny Trejo trailer….sort of funny. Must side with R.R’s first half – more subtle nods to exploitation nuance (massive plot holes, stunted and meaningless one-liners, lots of shit that doesn’t make sense, etc). Be warned, though, of the flip-side: There’s also a plenty of ham-fisted, over-referential crap (the fake worn-out film stock). The violence in Planet Terror is cartoonish and everywhere….the squeamish among you should not worry. I don’t like realistic gore/torture, yet this one didn’t bother me at all. Laughed out loud at some childish splatter scenes, truth told.

Now, Tarantino’s half is a different story. Dialogue-heavy, and I’ve been known to enjoy his dialogue about 50/50, but it’s weaker than usual….and boring. There’s far less violence, but it’s more effective/disturbing. That’s probably just due to my queasiness re: realistic car accident scenes. Car accidents send me up the wall; the thought of them, the sight of real ones, the sound of them, and when they are realistically depicted in film, I tend to shudder. Death Proof packs one that is alternately ridiculous and jarring. The second half (of the second half) is dumb-dumb surprising and fun. The Vanishing Point references could have been cut in half, however.

The intermission trailers:

Eli Roth, a director that I care nothing about, delivers the best one, especially if, like me, you grew up watching crappy horror on crappy TV sets on crappy Saturday afternoons.

Recommended. Another complaint before I close: You’d think that the three hours would blow by. That’s not entirely true. Most of Tarantino’s yip-yapping scenes drag. And of course, the whole experience is aided if you are a serious movie nerd that’s padded your life with loads of film-garbage.  

 

The instant coffee must be hitting hard.

(pasted from www.cracked.com)

Somebody steer me in the right direction….

“A good CI is like a good set of legs, a good police chief, a good steak, a good heart, or a good boat without a slow leak….they simply don’t exist in my life.

This time, I had a severe situation, a severe hangover, and needed the tip BAD. Lately, my main has been a street derelict by the name of “the brick.â€Â Once slipped a 40-spot, he promised some golden info. I returned four hours later. He handed over an envelope and disappeared into the shrubs.

“That’s your info, shit-drawers, use it wisely.â€Â

The paper inside held this revelation:

(Mc Ren)
Prisoner like a hostage
Yo, you should of covered your muthafucking head like an ostrich
Deep in the dirt ’cause you’s a sucker
And you ass up high so I can kick the muthafucker
Don’t try to hang your best abroad
‘Cause my foot will be so far up you ass, you’re get hemroids
Before you try to fuck wit Ren
I’ll put two in your ass and you’ll be shitting a size 10

(Dr. Dre)
First come, first serve, whoever’s got the nerve
Step up and get what you deserve
Other words if a muthafucking hip-hop maniac
Brainiac, so what you oughta do is step the fuck back
But how the fuck you think a rapper last
Wit your ass saying shit that is said in the past
Yo, be original, your shit is sloppy
Get off the dick you muthafucking carbon copy

(MC Ren)
Falling deep in the drums so many of styles
Is one of the reasons a nigga ran a hundred miles
Cheating and not beating, the crowd I kept seating
But weak muthafuckas biting off and they kept eating
Styles that kept them full of bull
‘Cause the vocals were local in nightclubs and not getting paid in full
They got the nerve to cuss
Only reason niggaz pick up your record is cause they thought it was us

(Dre)
Yo, giving what I gotta give, doing what I gotta do
You don’t care for me, so who gives a fuck about you
You can’t harm me, alarm me
‘Cause we’re the generals in this fucking hip-hop army
The niggaz wit attitudes if you didn’t know
We blow, flow and getting loose slow from the get go, yo
Try us and take it
Yo, fuck this shit, Yella, kick the break in

(Chorus)
It’s the real thing, you are now real, real niggaz, niggaz

(Ren)
You can run but you can’t hide, you know I’m a find’cha
‘Cause a nigga like Ren’s only 2 steps behind’cha
Don’t look back, ’cause you’re shaking and all scared
A nigga in black can be your scariest nightmare
So sleep wit the lights on, forget that the mic’s on
Don’t step on my muthafucking stage without nike’s on
Don’t say it’s psychoand then you just might go
Mentally fucked up when I let the right blow

(Dre)
All these niggers wit the jibber jabber
But couldn’t kill a fly wit a muthafucking sledge hammer
Gangstas in black are out there
But only because, yo, it’s the shit we wear
On my muthafucking dick
But I’m a love it when you drop like a muthafucking brick
So, yo, step off, go to bed, ’cause if you’re mislead
You get a muthafucking bullet in your dome head

(Eazy-E)
Black, the good, the bad, the ugly, you see
A little streetwise nigga, you know me
Rolling wit some real niggaz playing for keeps
But you muthafuckas know who run the streets
Wit that hardcore hip-hop rap shit
(Ren)(Now how much harder can another nigga get)
Trying to be like us, sound like us, dress like us
(Dre)(Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
So nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga, nigga, please
Since you’re on the dick why don’t you drop to your knees
‘Cause I’m a muthafucka that’s out to kill
Eazy-E, a nigga that’s real

(Dre) Real niggaz, straight off the streets of Compton
Quick to get in your shit without second thought
And if your ass get smoked, it’s my bullet you caught
So if you’re talking shit about the niggaz in black
Bow down to the King’s and Raider’s hats

(Ren)
They played out, that’s what niggaz were chanting
One nigga left and they said we ain’t happening
People had thought we was finished and then done wit
But if you think about it, yo, we really ain’t done shit
Yet, so cover your ears and wipe your tears
And quit sniffing all over my dick for new ideas
And when the new record come, I’ll come like a fucking bomb
Asking for fucking money, don’t buy you a fucking crumb
You’re on the dicks of four niggaz not one
And when it comes to dicks, you don’t even have one
So brace yourself to make sure you don’t get fucked up
Because if I let you slide, it’s just ’cause you lucked up
Don’t come in my face again, because I’m a floor ya
And if you’re a bitch, I’m a fucking ignore ya

Because my attitudes a little bigga
‘Cause MC Ren is one of the real niggaz

(Dre)
Lost in a muthafucking world of madness
Sadness, but Dre is just a nigga that gladdest
Sucking muthafuckas like you, making wack jams
Because it only shows you how dope I am
Never try to ignore us
When I’m expressing, stand still like you’re full of rigamortis
‘Cause I’m a real nigga, but I guess you figure
You can break me, take me, but watch me pull the trigger
Dre is just a nigga wit hard, a nigga that’s smart
A nigga that’s pay to say what others are scared to play
We started out wit too much cargo
So I’m glad we got rid of Benedict Arnold
Yo, NWA, criticize for what we say
But I’m a do the shit anyway
‘Cause I’m the muthafucking doctor,never faking
Yo, Yella, kick the muthafucking break in

Chorus

(Ren) NWA , straight ouut muthafucking Compton
Taking over shit in all of the 1990’s
Yo, Dr. Dre, DJ Yella, Eazy-E
And I am MC Ren, yo, NWA taking over this muthafucka y’all
Lyrics > N.W.A Lyrics > N.W.A Real Niggaz Lyrics
Can I get a fuckin’ translator, please?â€Â
 

 

Yeah, like I’m going to stop the futile exercise of pitching this paper.

Dear Bob,

Will you write me a wrestling script that pits me against my irritating neighbor? In the front yard?

Dear Bob,

I was clearly the best candidate for writing a 33 and a 1/3 about Flip Your Wig. How come a road dog like me can’t catch a break?

Dear Bob,

I was thinking of throwing a dance record into my otherwise rock-heavy discography. Is this a wise idea?

Dear Bob,

Do you ever call customer service lines using that Modern Country vocoder?

Dear Bob,

I’m trying really damed hard to be funny right now. How come I’m failing?

 

 

 

From Cracked.com…..

Read it here (with funny graphics), or read it below.

Where has Skag Winesack been?

“Well, I’ve been working on my cookbook, Jazz Casserole. I got a publisher (McSweeneys), so I haven’t had much time to blog. I plan on changing that. I’ll never get that book deal from Cracked unless some diligence is shown.

I can’t afford a lawyer, nor would I invite one onto my boat if the financial situation was otherwise.

The publisher has shown opposition to some of my chapter and dish titles. Scrapped completely is the chapter titled, ‘Recipes That Will Tear Up Your Asshole.’ True, I like spicy food, and I drink, and the combination thereof does indeed have a tendency to, uh, make my bathroom experiences akin to a scrapping match with Randall ‘Tex’ Cobb. Let’s just say that I’m glad they put those bars in the handicap stalls.

They also had a problem with the cover art. My initial concept was an artist’s rendition of me cooking in the kitchen, apron on and all, while my ‘wife’ is locked out of the house, forced to make a burrito in the pouring rain.

Speaking of burritos, it was another ‘no-go’ for my tasty ‘Dysentarito.’

I thought I was dealing with a progressive publishing house here. I could be wrong. I’m a little, as they say, ‘out of the loop.’ As you know, I’m a semi-retired Private Eye that lives on a goddamn boat, and living on a boat in a South Memphis harbor can do alienating things to a man. I have to run a dial-up cable from my parlor all the way to the marina office/restaurant, and they keep unplugging it to run credit cards.

Oh yeah, I guess another problem area is my choice of certain ingredients. I thought most people liked seafood. There’s nothing wrong with gar, drum, carp, or bowfin. And fowl? I’ve made a fantastic stew from the various winged vermin that swarm the marina. Getting shotgun pellets out of sparrow meat is NOT EASY.

Anyone out there up for some free legal advice? Jazz Casserole will not see the light of day as a neutered dog, and I mean it.â€Â

 

 This is a church located somewhat near my neighborhood. Not a prank.

Good to see that the I (Heart) Huckabees video has become a viral bulldozer. Just punishment for making that official P.O.S.

Two movies that recently left an ill-defined impact on me (meaning, they pop up as I’m drifting off to sleep): Altman’s Long Goodbye and Zodiac.

Three stupid movies that I’m really looking forward to: Disturbia, Slow Burn, and The Reaping. Sunday afternoon triple feature in the works!! I’ll drive around to different theaters!

Have digital cable? You should. Check out the Retroplex Channel. I laughed out loud during The End.  

 

 

 

 

Why did Jonathan Lethem put a picture of himself on the cover of You Don’t Love Me Yet? As much as I like this guy, I’m not sure anyone should be writing a rock novel right now. Color me scared. Yes, I’m in a position to say this.

 

The latest chapter in I DON’T GET IT.  

I just checked my “Book Proposalsâ€Â folder and yep, I did remember to name an empty file, “The Truth About Outsider Artists.â€Â If I start giving away pump organs to every rambling maniac that panhandles me, will that guarantee a glut of delusional documentaries in the year 2040? When taken as a whole, the music of Jandek (a perfectly sane man with a perfectly fascinating story, yet he makes perfectly pointless music), Wesley Willis, Daniel Johnston (a wonderful visual artist), and especially Wild Man Fischer has produced exactly five interesting songs, and they all come from Johnston.

 

Finally, I’m back from a hectic weekeed shooting photos for the Earles and Jensen Present: Just Farr A Laugh, The Greatest Prank Phone Calls Ever! Vol. 1 & 2 booklet….or book.

And finally, Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman gets released on DVD!!! Thus far, it’s only the first season, but the plans are to release DVD’s of everything up through Fernwood 2-Nite.

Do yourself a big favor.

I once paid $150.00 for every MH, MH episode on VHS (eBay), and the show (along with Fernwood 2-Nite and America 2-Nite) were to be the cover story of the aborted Cimarron Weekend #00008.

Norman Lear’s greatest idea? By far….BY FAR!!!!

….was unsurprisingly rejected by the folks at Continuum. Here is my garbage…laid out on the table. I wasn’t feeling it that week. Or, it wasn’t feeling me. I could have let some insane errors fly, too, despite what I thought was a suitable degree of proofreading. Here you go (minus header):

     While waiting for the 33 & 1/3 pitch window, it took little time to decide on Husker Du, and I’ll expound on that a little later. My tardiness in submitting a pitch can be blamed on one thing: It took days and days of waffling before I decided on which Husker Du album. 1985’s Flip Your Wig was picked from the short list, though what killed me (and my productivity) was the strength of other Husker albums. Now, provided you choose to put your trust in this project, everything else seems mapped out, easy; the album an obvious choice.

      To convince you why Flip Your Wig is the slam dunk I proclaim it to be, we must first look at why certain other universally-loved Husker Du titles were not chosen. Zen Arcade, released in 1984, remains a fan and critic favorite for flimsy reasons. Though it’s the first post-hardcore double LP concept album (though the release dates are the same, it was completed prior to the Minutemen’s Double Nickels on the Dime) and contains a handful of amazing Husker moments, it is a sprawling mess choked with too much unfocused hardcore. The antidote to this, New Day Rising (also ’84), dispensed with the filler and became the succinct blueprint for Flip Your Wig. Sadly, the former had the one-dimensional, brutally high-end production of SST’s in-house man, Spot, plus a 50/50 hit rate in terms of song craft. Flip Your Wig suffers from neither of these issues. Grant Hart and Bob Mould covered production duties themselves, and song-by-song quality is, for the first time, consistent over an entire album. Flip Your Wig’s follow-up, the band’s major label debut, Candy Apple Grey, came in a close second, whereas, Flip Your Wig is an airtight example of what made this band legendary, Candy Apple Grey is laden with ballads and personnel implosion, thus coming off like a Grant Hart/Bob Mould solo split album. It’s a minor miracle that the band held it together for the 1987 swansong, Warehouse: Songs and Stories.

     More so than any other 80’s underground album, even Sonic Youth’s Daydream Nation, Flip Your Wig predicted the sound of the late-80’s/early-90’s indie rock explosion. Sonic Youth may have encouraged indie rock’s embracement of off-kilter tunings and artfulness, but Husker Du presented a simpler, more subtle formula of greater staying power, especially when bands like Superchunk and Nirvana are considered. When a band claims to be influenced by Husker Du (The Pixies), or a music reviewer does this for them, Flip Your Wig is the sound being referenced. Of course, the terms “indie rockâ€Â and “post-hardcoreâ€Â did not exist in 1985, so Flip Your Wig was consumed as one of the then rare examples of a middle ground between hardcore and the sonic flimsiness of college rock. The album’s brilliant pop and air-moving power can be traced back to 1982’s “Everything Falls Apartâ€Â – the first time that Husker Du married massive volume to massive hooks. The style would become over more prevalent as the band continued their two-album-per-year average, peaking on Flip Your Wig. The tracks “Flip Your Wigâ€Â, “Makes No Senseâ€Â, the instrumental “The Wit and the Wisdomâ€Â, “Green Eyesâ€Â, “Divide and Conquerâ€Â, “Hate Paper Dollâ€Â, “Gamesâ€Â, Flexible Flyerâ€Â, “Don’t Know Yetâ€Â, “Private Planeâ€Â and “Keep Hanging Onâ€Â are all stronger than any previous Husker track.

     Band tensions were manageable during the 1983 – 1985 Metal Circus to New Day Rising period, but proved ruinous for the final years that covered Candy Apple Grey and Warehouse: Songs and Stories (1986 – 1987). As you can see, Flip Your Wig falls squarely in the middle. This transitional year will make for an excellent and occasionally incendiary back story for the album’s recording and release. It was the last time that the band was to be fully functional unit, both moods and attitudes were at an all time high. Bob Mould and Grant Hart, both openly gay at the time, claim to have never been lovers. Nonetheless, this dynamic has always added jump-from-the-page readability to the Husker Du saga. Bassist Greg Norton, the voice of reason, is a fascinating character in this story that went on to become a well-known chef and restaurateur following the band’s demise.

       My approach is threefold. I will intersperse a biographical format (album creation with interviews) with the infrequent anecdotal flashback to my personal discovery and fascination with this album as a teen, as well as documentation of the work that brought the book together (time spent with band members, etc). Please note that the personal material will differ greatly from what is expected when contemporaries venture into this terrain. Meaning, my stories and relation to this album will be very humorous, as opposed to the prosaic nostalgia trip. I plan for that particular writing to make up less than an eighth of the entire text. The flow of the book will be primarily chronological, covering the inception, release, and aftermath (subsequent major label signing) of Flip Your Wig.

      I foresee no problem regarding access to the three band members; connections were established when I worked on an exhaustive oral history of 80’s Minneapolis scene for Magnet Magazine. Joe Carducci, whom I have interviewed in the past, was SST’s label manager during the Husker heyday, and will be a valuable source for this book. The project will gel as all vitally involved parties as interviewed. While pre-Flip Your Wig history is essential, rest assured that it will not dominate any portion of the book. The 33 & 1/3 Series boasts a colorful cast, but the absence of Husker Du presents a glaring void. Additionally, the canon of music non-fiction has yet to count this band amongst its biographical conquests (aside from a chapter in Michael Azzerad’s Our Band Could Be Your Life). It is time for Continuum to lead in the race for a Husker Du book, as my instincts tell me that there will be at least three of them on the shelves by 2009.